Let me preface this by saying that I, by no means, am an expert when it comes to love. I didn’t have an official boyfriend until I met my husband at 21 (at least, no one ever called me – or treated me like – their girlfriend), my first kiss was when I was 18 and before those things, I mainly fantasized about 90’s rock stars. With that said, my husband and I often get asked what makes our relationship work, so I figured I would make it the topic of my next Being Melificent post.

The hubs and I have been together for 11 years now, with nearly 6 of those as husband and wife. During our time together so far, I have come to view the following as some reasons we have stood the test of time and see no end to our little love affair:

1. It’s the little things; this tends to be my motto overall, but I really think it is what can make or break a relationship. At least here in Miami, people can be so superficial (i.e., If he didn’t get you a 2 karat engagement ring, it’s time to kick him to the curb). Learn to focus on what is really important in a relationship (and life): moments, the way something made you feel – NOT material things. A perfect example are weddings. People get so caught up in the details, color schemes and chivari chairs, that they forget to focus on their LOVE for one another. Honestly, my top 5 weddings have made it onto the list mainly because you can feel the love radiating through the entire event, not because their centerpieces cost them thousands. One of the memories I cherish the most involving the hubs is a night we were listening to Silverchair’s Across the Night as we were cleaning, and he spontaneously whipped me around and starting slow dancing with me all around the house. Hold on to those, remember those, not the number of gifts he has given you. None of that matters in the end.

2. We still date; this is so important to me! My husband and I have never stopped dating each other. We try to plan a date a week where we go try/discover something new in or around our city. Harkening back on #1, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy, as long as we are together. It keeps the relationship from getting stagnant and monotonous, and instead brings back the romance, excitement and FUN. So instead of spending Saturday afternoon on the couch watching reruns of Sex & the City while you are both sitting next to each other, but independently Internet surfing, go out and explore together. I promise having that one-on-one time on a frequent basis will remind you of why you fell in love with this person in the first place!

3. We don’t play games; games a such a pet peeve of mine. I’m all about coming out and saying it. You know all those rules from Swingers? Throw them out the window. Be honest and direct with your significant other! The worst thing you can do is hold on to anger and resentment for days, weeks and even years, and then have it all ooze out of you one day because your boyfriend forgot to throw out the trash. Trust me, I’ve been there. It’s not a pretty sight. The key to a successful relationship is trust and the key to trust is honesty. The same applies even if the truth is hurtful. Actually, it especially applies if it is.

4. We are independent of each other; a lot of people have expressed (in round about ways) that they think this is something strange that we do. We go on trips without the other, we have hobbies separate from each other and we try to be as individual as possible. My husband is my other half, my partner in crime and my best friend. I cherish every moment we spend together, but I also cherish those spent with others, or even myself. Do not forget who you are because you are now someone’s girlfriend or wife. You NEED that time apart. You know the saying, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s true. Give yourselves some room and time to enjoy being yourself! Do not suffocate the other person, do not see them as your security blanket and most importantly, do not forget who you are. Remember, that’s who your other half fell in love with in the first place. It’s OK to still want to be that person and experience things without your significant other. It does not make you a bad spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/etc. In fact, in the long run, it will make you a better one and foster a healthier relationship.

5. Compromise; this is the biggest one, huh? It’s probably the most obvious too, but not a lot of us follow through. Although we strive to be independent, bottom line is, we have to make compromises when we are in a relationship. We can’t always get what we want, but we can negotiate. Do that. Don’t just put on your princess tiara or think because you are the man you get to call the shots. Um, no. Two people decided to jump into this together, so two people have to sit and figure out how it is going to work. Things will be tweaked, but there are ways to make both people happy. That is what you want to work towards. The second someone starts feeling inadequate or useless or that their opinion does not matter, that’s when things will start to fall apart.

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That, in a nutshell, is what we practice on a daily basis, and I have to say, it has worked really well so far. Not to get overly sappy again, but I feel like our relationship is at its healthiest and strongest at this point and I couldn’t be a happier wifey. I’m sure a slew of new challenges will be thrown our way when we decide to start a family, but with our foundation, I think we will be ready to throw some punches right back.